English and Paint
by cabbage-for-the-people
Summary: Random one-shots about ToFuu. Contains all sorts of parodies.
1. Story 1

**Note: **I used to become even worse than I am now when it comes to writing poems and essays. This is a parody of the way I used to write (and still do, sometimes). Enjoy, and please keep an open mind. Be prepared for the worst literary pieces you can ever find in the FoR ring.

_Supposed genre: Humor and General_

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**English and Paint: First Parody  
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It really wasn't supposed to end up like this.

A very green Mikagami Tokiya tried with great difficulty to get up from his position.

And a very red Fuuko Kirisawa was standing before him, laughing her pretty butt off, long finger pointed at his struggling form.

You're probably wondering why the heck this happened between the two.

Luckily (and perhaps unluckily as well) you're going to find out soon.

Just this late afternoon, you see, our purple-haired heroine tried with _great difficulty _to create a literary piece for her English class. Miraculously, the ice box with testicles him self agreed to help her (with much physical beatings on his part).

Draft One is as follows:

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**Giggle and the Boy Scout's Days of Love**

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Giggle. Her name is Giggle because she likes to giggle. So her mother named her Giggle. She (Giggle, I mean) liked a Boy Scout. But the Boy Scout did not like her.

Two days later, he started to like Giggle.

In the end (which was three days later), they realized that they loved each other.

Four days later, they got married.

The End.

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… So it was no surprise that Mikagami Tokiya wanted to strangle her blue-eyed head off. "Monkey," he said, "are you possibly _serious _with this? Or perhaps you're pulling off another one of your corny gags at me?"

"Why would I not be serious with this?" she frowned at the paper with the type-written story on it. "Is there something wrong with what I made?"

He glanced at the very much confused girl beside him to confirm if she was joking or not. Seeing that she was very much not jesting, he gave out a sigh. "Perhaps… a longer version would make it better."

"But it's already perfect that way!"

"I'll tell you what," he pinched the flesh in between his eyes, "why don't you… try making an essay? Maybe that would be more your forte."

Her frown deepened. "Okay…"

And so, Draft Two comes along after three long hours:

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**Global Warming**

It is very hot nowadays. Al Gore says that it's because of global warming. Because of global warming, the world is becoming hotter until it becomes very hot. That is why we must stop global warming.

Penguins might die, too, because of global warming. Because it is very hot, their cold homes will probably melt like ice cubes under the hot son.

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He had to stop at that sentence. It might be mean to say so, but his head was already throbbing from the number of 'hot' she used.

"I think you meant 'sun' when you wrote 'son' here." He pointed at the last sentence before giving out another sigh. "Try writing a poem. If it weren't for your constant kicking at my" he paused for a while "lower parts, I wouldn't be helping you with this."

She beamed in return. "When there's a will, there's a way."

And so, Draft Three was done after one grueling hour:

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**Ganko**

Ganko is the name of my sister

Blonde is the hair color of her

Even when it's summer

Someday she wants to be a mother

In the winter she will chop some lumber

She doesn't have a lover.

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Mikagami Tokiya scratched his head upon reading the 'literary piece.' "Blonde is the hair color of her?" he raised an eyebrow.

Fuuko nodded eagerly. "Poetic license."

Another sigh emanated from his lips. "I'm afraid I can't help you. The library is about to close," he pointed at the round red wall clock at her right side, "and I doubt that you'll be able to finish something decent in less than five minutes."

"But you promised!" she positioned her foot before his male endowment.

"You, monkey, can't persuade me with that anymore. And besides, I can't make miracles."

"What do you mean by that?!"

She tried to kick him, but it was too late. The silver-haired lad abruptly stood up from his seat, attempting to leave the hysterical Kirisawa behind.

The author wishes to emphasize the word 'attempt'.

Alas, Tokiya Mikagami bumped into someone.

And it wasn't a very pleasant bump.

Unfortunately, the person he crashed into was holding a can of green paint above his head.

This leads us to the scene mentioned earlier, with Mikagami sprawled on the floor and Fuuko laughing like a hyena that just spotted its prey, her face turning red with the joyful bursts of mirth.

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**After Note: **Told you this was a random piece of crap (:D)!


	2. Story 2

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**Note: **Don't you just hate it when a story goes on so smoothly and then by some profound moment of author boredom or laziness, the lead character falls in love with his leading lady right away? Well, folks, this is a parody of that kind of flow… but ten thousand times worse. Enjoy, and please keep an open mind. Be prepared for horrible grammar and horrible choppy Japanese.

_Supposed Genre: Drama and Romance_

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**English and Paint: Second Parody**

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Fuuko Kirisawa was sad. She was, like, so sad that she wanted to cry but she couldn't since she wanted to look strong in front of everyone.

"What's wrong, Fuuko?" Yanagi asked Fuuko because she thought something was wrong with her purple haired/headed/colored friend.

"Nothing," said the purple haired/headed/colored Fuuko. But this was not true, for she was very sad. She was sad because she found out that she was in love with someone who could never possibly return her emotions. So, like, she got very bummed out and stuff. Yanagi walked away.

"Hey, monkey." Alas, it was Fuuko's object of affection, Tokiya Mikagami (**A/N**: he's so effing hot!! He's even hotter than Domon, OM-G!). He was hungry. "I'm hungry," he said. He wanted to ask his purple haired/headed/colored friend (**A/N**: just so you know, that's Fuuko) if the seat next to hers was taken. "Is this taken?" he asked, pointing at the seat next to his purple haired/headed/colored friend.

She (**A/N**: by she, I meant Fuuko) began to become sad and so she couldn't hold back her tears anymore and so she cried and cried and cried until she was partially blind. Everything was blurry within her sight. (**A/N**: I once had really bad eye sight, so I know how Fuuko feels).

Tokiya was perturbed by this (**A/N**: I bet you don't know what 'perturbed' means. I didn't know before either, but when I clicked the right click of the mouse, I looked up the synonyms for 'unrelaxed' and so I found out that word. Deep, huh?) and so he asked Fuuko Kirisawa why she was crying.

But Fuuko was too sad to speak (**A/N**: just so you know, Fuuko was too sad to speak at this point).

And then, Tokiya Mikagami realized that he was in love with Fuuko! (**A/N**: OM-G! This is getting exciting!)

But he was too shy to say his feelings to Fuuko. So he became very sad too.

He cried.

She cried.

They both cried.

And cried… and cried… and then cried. (**A/N: **just so you know, Fuuko and Tokiya are both crying at this point).

"You two!" Yanagi shouted. "Why are you crying?!" and then Yanagi walked away again.

"Datte… because…" the purple haired/headed/colored lass shouted back, "…I am not ureshi!"

"Why?" Mikagami asked. He wasn't crying anymore. "Naze?"

"Because… AISHITERU!" Fuuko said.

"AISHITERU, too!" (**A/N: **aishiteru means I love you)

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

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**After Note: **If you didn't get it, then I was successful on making this random crap. If you did get it and found it funny, then... cheers! (:D)


	3. Story 3, Part 1

**Note: **It takes a lot of skill to make the female lead in a story likeable. Here's a parody of the overly tomboy and overly annoying Fuuko Kirisawa. Brace yourselves, people. Enjoy, and please keep an open mind.

_Supposed Genre: Humor_

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**English and Paint:Third Parody, First Part**

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Now there were many things which irritated Tokiya Mikagami. One of them would be surprise visits which turn out to be very much more of an unpleasant excuse to ask for unnecessary favors.

"I suppose you think that that's… amusing." Mikagami leaned against the wooden door frame of the entrance of his house; a perfectly shaped brow cocked up and eyes the color of the sky glaring at the Hokage clan's resident tomboy. While his attire consisting of a brown v-neck sweater and faded blue jeans would usually make any normal person swoon (yes, even if they _are _ordinary clothes), Fuuko Kirisawa just rolled her brilliant blue orbs at him instead of looking very much like the dumbfounded fan girl.

"What are you talking about?" Said tomboy placed both hands against her hips, loose white shirt wrinkling around her shoulders in the process.

"…You have a monkey on your back. Is that your kid?" He glanced disapprovingly at Fuuko's denim shorts, a slight frown etched on his handsome features. "It has your eyes."

"Ha, ha, ha… wow, Mi-chan, that was very funny." She was sarcastic, but just to annoy her more…

"What makes you think that I'm joking?"

The ape resting on her back let out a loud sound of delight. The one who was lugging the animal around, though, just stuck out her tongue at the living ice box. "Shut up."

"What are you planning to do with that?"

"Borrow one of your shirts so that she won't have to complain about the cold anymore."

And just as Mikagami Tokiya was about to nod just for the sake of making Fuuko go away, thankfully, he stopped. "What?"

"Well, since Domon and Recca are pretty much against the idea of lending their shirts to Matilda here," she gestured at her white monkey companion, "I thought that maybe I could ask you if you are willing to do some charity for this little beauty."

"If she's so cold, why not use blankets? Why won't you use your clothes or Ganko's instead?"

"Gee… and I thought you were smart. She hates blankets. She thinks that they're not comfy enough. And Matilda is a bit of a tomboy. She prefers manly garments."

"As I said, why won't you use your clothes instead?" he tried to suppress the smirk which threatened to paint itself on his mouth.

"Ha, ha… what are you, a comedian?" she crossed her arms against her chest while Matilda just jumped off Fuuko's back, letting out another screech of glee.

"I refuse to give or lend my possessions to a monkey." He stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his pants. "I already _did _make an exception with you before, when I let you borrow my jacket. What makes you think I'd be willing to do something akin to that again?"

"That's just selfish!"

"Yes, yes. I'm selfish. Now would you please excuse me?"

…And just as he was about to close the door, however, the sneakered right foot that belonged to Fuuko Kirisawa stopped him from doing so.

"No! Wait!" she carried Matilda then shoved it up his face. "I'm desperate!"

Tokiya winced, trying to avoid the beaming face of Kirisawa's current pal. "If you're so desperate, then why won't you buy Matilda her own clothes instead?"

"Money is money." She paused for a while, tilting her head a little to the left to indicate that she was deep in thought. She couldn't rub her chin because of Matilda. "And I have very few, regrettably… oh, c'mon, Mi-chan!"

"Why would a monkey need outfits to wear? Weren't they made to be naked like the rest of the non-human entities out there?"

"Oh, shush your mouth!" the white monkey raised its hairy arms towards the ensui-wielder. He ignored the furry primate. "Matilda is very much human as you are."

"Uh-huh… you know, with that attitude, I may never even _consider _giving you one of my old shirts."

"Fine, then!" she dropped Matilda, huffing. "I'll go ask Raiha." She signaled the ape to hop on her back again.

"Wait. Did you say Raiha?" in spite himself, he took a few steps forward.

"What now, you turned deaf because of your cruelty towards animals?"

"Do not play funny with me, Saru. I'll go get some clothes upstairs for your precious little daughter here."

"No need for that!" Fuuko waved her hand in the air dismissively. "I'm sure Raiha has better outfits anyway."

"I said," He hissed rather menacingly, "I'll go get some clothes upstairs." He pushed the door to a wider angle then pointed at an apple green couch at the middle of the room. "Sit there."

"Okay… geez… what a grouch."

Tokiya made sure to make her see one of his famous glares before stalking up the stairs towards his room. Fuuko evidently just shrugged off his hostility towards her and made her own self more comfortable by plopping loudly on the couch. She knew that it would annoy him to no end if he ever found out that she let Matilda sit beside her on his precious piece of furniture, which was precisely why she did that.

And as the purple-haired tomboy got bored with waiting for Tokiya and his clothes, a particular object carelessly thrown by the side of the couch caught her eye.

It was a leopard-spotted bra.

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**After Note: **I'll be continuing this soon, as long as monkeys continue to haunt my dreams (:D)

**Lucas Cruikshank is the coolest chipmunk in the world. **


End file.
